I jaunted today. A nice three mile jaunt. In the hot sun. Hanging out with some mosquitoes. And tiny, dagger-edged stones in my shoes that refused to dislodge themselves.
I really am trying to make it sound pleasant, even though I only jaunted because I am fat and no longer wish to be fat. Jaunting is hard work, yo.
But one of the few benefits to jaunting is that you get to hang out with nature and observe the flora and fauna and all that cool shit.
So, a list of things I saw whilst jaunting:
-the biggest mushroom to ever exist in recorded history, growin' out of a stump
-the smallest Monarch butterfly to ever exist in recorded history, hangin' out on the service drive
-old lady golfers wearing matching outfits
-a blooming tree that smells like heaven - looked it up when I got home, and apparently it is called a honey locust tree; scientists, please get to work on bottling that exact smell so I can take a bath in it, thx
-a used syringe on the side of the road: well, they can't ALL be pleasant, now can they?
-a boy duck and a girl duck having a picnic under a tree
And a list of things that I didn't see but wish I had:
-tiny elves using the giant mushroom as shade from the sun
-a friendly talking dog named Grover
-someone riding a unicycle over the bridge
-Ghostbusters traipsing through Hillside Cemetery
-a mischievous gopher tearing ass through the golf course, possibly dancing seductively for passersby
All in all, not the best jaunt, but not the worst either.
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