New Year, New Blog

So, it is January 1st, 2015, and the prodigal son has returned.
Since I've been both lazy and depressed for the past few weeks, I'm hoping that writing out some of the stuff I'm dealing with will help.

The last time I tried to go crazy with goals, I ended up doing really well on a few, moderately well on a few more, and totally failing on the rest. Based on my own experiences with goal setting and with what I've seen, heard, and read, I am switching things up for my new year's resolutions. What I've decided to do is to set one big goal for myself (to lose weight), in conjunction with 12 smaller goals, which I will tackle each month. My reasoning is that it is much easier to focus intently on one goal per month than multiple goals for the entire year. Small lifestyle changes rather than huge, overwhelming resolutions, I guess. Plus, I'm hoping that by working on random, smaller goals for a month at a time, some of that motivation will spill over into other months as well. These are in no particular order, because I plan on deciding when I'm going to take on each goal as the year progresses...some may be difficult to do when the school year is in session, so I'll see how the semester is going before making any major decisions.

My twelve monthly goals are as follows:

1)Write a minimum of one paragraph per day, excluding any work done for school.

So, I've decided that this will be January's  goal. It makes sense to start here, because writing will hopefully keep my brain sharp for the next two weeks of winter break. My classes start on January 14th, so I will probably do less writing towards the end of the month...which is why I set the minimum at 1 paragraph. I don't expect this semester to be too overwhelming within the first few weeks, but I'm still setting the bar low just so as to keep the goal attainable. I also figure that by starting out with writing, I'll do a better job tracking my progress and my mental state as I work through these goals. I plan on using this blog for most of my writing, and I may not actually post something every day, but I will at least try to add a paragraph or two to a draft, in that case.

2) Follow a daily skin and hair care routine

This seems like a weird goal, even to me, but it is essentially because I'm realizing that I just don't take care of myself the way I need to. It is this vicious cycle in which I have low self esteem, so I spend little time on trying to look/feel good...and because I don't look or feel good, my self esteem gets even lower. I don't want to be the sort of person that ties their self worth to their appearance, but between gaining weight and just sorta letting myself go, I feel worse across the board. I've never exactly been a shining beacon of confidence, and gaining weight, letting my skin get bad, not dressing up or wearing make-up...all of those things just feed back into feeling bad about myself. I figure if I can spend more time and money on looking good, maybe I'll feel more confident and motivated in general.

3)Finish one big sewing project

Matt got me a sewing machine for Christmas, so I want to work on a project. I haven't decided exactly what yet. And since I've never used a sewing machine, I'm sure it will take some amount of learning and practice to prepare for a bigger project, which I plan on doing while on break. I'm thinking of either trying to make a dress for myself, something vintage inspired, or possibly something fun for Kayleigh. My other thought has been to make a quilt from some of my old t-shirts that I don't wear much any more.

4)Read one new novel and watch one new film per week, excluding any work done for school

This goal is probably going to have to wait for summer to role around, since I'm in grad school now and taking 10 credit hours per semester. I do a decent amount of reading on my breaks, though, so this should be doable as long as I make the attempt during the summer when I'm not bogged down with academic reading.

5) Eat no meat

Within the past 5 years or so, I have gone for various lengths of time without eating meat, so one month shouldn't be too difficult. The main thing to keep in mind is that I find vegetarian eating really difficult in a few specific situations: eating out with friends or family, grilling season, holidays. So I basically need to do this during a month that I'm not likely to fire up the grill or to be invited to any cook-outs or anything of the sort. Eating vegetarian meals is easiest when I am doing my own cooking and food prep at home...I'm not quite sure yet which month I'll work on this one, but probably sometime before summer.

6) Do not use social media, excluding any e-mail/discussion boards/etc. required for school
assignments

Okay, so this is going to be tough. I already quit IMWAN quite a while ago and honestly have felt no urge to go back. The only other social media I use regularly is Facebook, which I have an admitted and unfortunate addiction to. I mean, I fucking hate the site...I rarely use it to actually keep up with friends and family (though it works as a convenient messaging tool to someone too lazy to text or call), and it usually only functions to make me angry at friends who have moronic opinions, or feel superior and self-satisfied by watching other people screw up their lives, or feel sorry for myself because everyone else has a better job, or a nicer place to live, or whatever the hell. None of those things is healthy. I'm well aware that social media generally makes me feel crappy, yet I still feel compelled to use it. I think the most important thing to do before I quit social media for a month is to develop actual, healthy, IRL social relationships...either calling friends that live far away, or making regular plans with friends in the area, or maybe even hanging out with people from school. I'd feel less compelled to dick around on Facebook if I wasn't cooped up at home, broke.

7) Walk one mile every day

Starting small with this one. Since my FitBit took a crap and Matt and I moved, we've been doing very little exercising/walking/anything. Where we live now is awful for walking - no good sidewalks, street lighting, no good circuitous route like we used to have when we lived closer to downtown Belleville. We do have access to a 24 hour fitness facility, though, so I could walk on a treadmill on days with bad weather or when it is late at night or something. I hope to start on this goal early in the year, since it will help with my bigger goal of losing 50 lbs.

8) Walk two miles every day

This is obviously related to the above goal...I'm thinking I'll do this the month after goal 7, depending on how it is working out - I'd like to keep motivated, and sometimes inertia is all I have to keep me moving forward. Possibly will do the 1 mile per day goal in February and the 2 mile per day goal in March - not ideal weather/temperature for it, but hopefully the fitness center will help with that.

9) Wake up by 9 am every day

Most of the adult world has already taken their lunch break before I even wake up lately. I partly blame my grad school schedule, since my earliest classes start at noon, and most of my classes actually start even later - 5 or 6 pm. Since I'm not working and just in school, my sleep schedule is an absolute mess. Having a Kindle doesn't help, because it means I can check the internet and play games all from the comfort of bed....which means I don't fall asleep until 4 am most days. For this goal, I plan on banning the Kindle from the bedroom and leaving it to charge overnight in the living room. No pop before bed, either. I also need to a buy a big, loud alarm clock...my cell phone alarms just don't cut it anymore, as I tend to sleep right through them. Hopefully waking up earlier will mean I'm more motivated to get things done, and less depressed.

10) Drink no pop

This is something I've needed to do for a long time. I've known the health issues caused by drinking diet pop for years now, but I've never been able to kick the habit. It is expensive AND unhealthy, so I really do need to do this. The biggest hurdle for me is that I don't like drinking really anything EXCEPT diet pop - I don't care for water, or tea, or juice, or milk, or really anything else. And the caffeine withdrawals almost always give me excruciating headaches. What I'll probably do is switch from pop to caffeinated tea or water (with Mio or another caffeinated flavor enhancer) and then try to ween myself just to plain water or water with lemon or something. I've tried to quit pop several times, with varying levels of success. The most important thing is to be prepared in advance...to always have a back up and stay stocked up on water or tea or whatever, to avoid the convenience of running to a vending machine or through a drive-thru to grab a pop.

11) Spend a minimum of 15 minutes, every day, practicing/studying something new

My ideas for this one include guitar, Spanish, and sewing, though I may decide on something else when I actually start. In all likelihood this will be a goal that I work on during the summer or when I'm not taking as many credit hours. It is hard to devote even a few hours a week to something non-academic when grad school is so overwhelming. What is likely is that I'll do this in June or July, when I actually have the time and mind-space to devote to something other than reading and writing.

12) No fast food or pre-made frozen dinners

Okay, so this one is related to trying to lose weight, and eat healthier. I don't tend to make healthy choices when I go out to eat, even if they are available...it is better for me to avoid eating out altogether if trying to eat healthy. I'm thinking it might be good to do this goal after farmer's markets open for the year, so I can buy local veggies and prep my own food at home. This goal also depends on whether I find a job over the summer and whether or not it is a food service job...It would be difficult to avoid fast food if I end up back at Jimmy John's for the summer, so this one is still pretty up in the air.

Yearly:

So, my goal for the year is to lose about 50 lbs. I weigh 262 right now, which is the biggest I've ever been. It would be nice to get down to an even 200 before New Year's Eve 2015, but I'm trying to be realistic. I figure 50 pounds is about a pound a week, which should be doable as long as I'm eating better, walking more, and making better choices. I'm hoping some of my smaller monthly goals will help with that, and I also plan on getting a new FitBit and tracking my calories as well. I'm not going to do this as religiously as I did last time, because it gets very exhausting to constantly be doing math in your head about what you can and can't eat, about how much you need to burn...it ends up being stressful, and I give up. I'm hoping that by taking a more laid back approach my goal will be more attainable. One pound a week sounds feasible, and like it won't kill my spirit. I guess we'll see how it goes.